Say Tchaikovskeeee… Variation 1

Well, no one’s sued me yet for the last blog. So I’ve decided to take the risk and share more excruciating photographs of classical musicians.

I probably ought to say again, just in case… I don’t know any of these people, and I’m sure they’re all excellent at playing their instruments. What they can’t do, however, is tell the difference between a good photographer and a potato.

First up, the bottomless pit of embarrassing photographic awfulness that is the wind quintet.


Ooh, it’s a stave! And hey, that’s clever, we’re sitting on it! (Er, does anyone know why?)

And here’s another one. They are posing in a manner known in the classical music world as…”zany”.


I play the French horn. What the hell am I supposed to do with this bloody oboe?

For some reason, classical musicians often feel that posing for a photograph with their instrument in the normal position is somehow boring. Take this violinist, for example. (I think she may be rather famous – but bear in mind that I’m a bassoonist, so I wouldn’t know.)


I’m so talented that I can, in fact, play Paganini’s 24 Caprices with  my violin in this position. Ner.

And here’s another supremely awkward violin pose. Although this one does at least have the instrument wedged in a relatively normal place.


I forgot to take my socks off.

Talking of uncomfortable poses, I’ve found a whole load of musicians falling into the sea. It seems to be some sort of trend. Look, here’s a cellist.


I play a Strad you know. Oh bugger.

And here’s a viola player.


What’s the difference between a viola player and a-…  

Right, that’s enough string players for the time being. Here’s a random photograph of a person holding far too many instruments.


I can play all these things. And look! One of them is a banana.

Still, at least she’s not trying to look cool… with an oboe.


Yeah, I’m in the desert gazing meaningfully into the distance. And I have an oboe slung casually over my shoulder. As you do.

  Lastly, and just for the sake of it really, here’s a teensy weensy oboist.


When I grow up, I’m going to be a hedge fund manager.