Say Tchaikovskeeeee

It is a very awkward thing, posing for a photograph with a bassoon. What does one do with the bassoon? Sling it over the shoulder in a casual fashion? Dance around it? Cradle it lovingly? As you can see from the above, I decided to point it at Brighton Pier whilst trying to look mean. Whether it works or not is entirely a matter of opinion, but at least you can’t see my face.

Anyway, I’ve just had a quick scout around the internet for photographs of classical musicians. Now, please be aware that I’m not dissing anyone’s musical talent here. I am, however, having a bloody good laugh at a selection of quite unspeakable photographs.

Here is a lady trying to look sexy with a bassoon. She has obviously decided that her only option is to go topless…

I am, for no reason whatsoever, kicking my leg up in the air

And here’s a flautist. I don’t know about you, but I think this picture needs a snake.

The incongruous flute

I have an incongruous flute. Look closely, I have an incongruous piccolo too. I don’t know what the Eiffel Tower is doing in this picture.

Here’s another flautist. He’s decided to promote himself by walking delicately round his instrument.

I'm not sure what I'm doing. The photographer said it would look good.

I’m not sure what I’m doing. The photographer said it would look good.

Right, time for some gratuitous and supremely awkward nudity.

We're doing this for charity. Okay? And besides, they said it would be fine if we didn't smile.

We’re doing this for charity, okay? And besides, they said it would be fine if we didn’t smile.

That poor violinist. She looks a bit tragic, doesn’t she. Although she has at least been sensible about where to put her bow.

When in doubt, caress your instrument lovingly. Just don't get too excited about it.

When in doubt, caress your instrument lovingly. Don’t get too excited about it.

I have to say that of all the musical ensemble photographs, the wind quintet  has brought me the most joy. Look!

The bassoonist fails to launch.

The bassoonist fails to launch.

What is it about wind quintets? They always feel they have to do something… different.

I play the flute. I do not find this funny.

8 hours a day, every day. Practising my flute. And it comes to this?

Finally – but I could, to be honest, go on forever with this – here’s an unfortunate picture of a guitarist.

I'll do absolutely anything for publicity.

I’ll do absolutely anything for publicity.

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